apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
