I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
