You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
