Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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