i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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