Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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(917): View more from New York City

I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!

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(301): View more from Maryland

She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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(618): View more from Illinois

In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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(616): View more from Michigan

you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality

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(206): View more from Washington

Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out

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(716): View more from New York

roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.

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