i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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