Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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