Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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