Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
