dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
