you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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