It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sex in a hospital.. check
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
