I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is the prime rib incident all over again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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