You're completely useless in the revolution.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
