Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize