i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
