go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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