Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
