Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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