What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
