Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
