...so i touched it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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