He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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