imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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