After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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