you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
