I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
