my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
