Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize