Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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