i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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