Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
