Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
