Capitaan dildo arrescate!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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