Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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