I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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