so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
