Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
