I wish my penis had an off switch
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
