These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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