I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
