it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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