it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
