yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
