You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
