I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
