I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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