I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
