I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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