My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
