On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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