I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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