I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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