One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
