If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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