Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
