Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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