The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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