I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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