Im at strip club and am horny
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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