he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
