So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize