pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
