with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
