well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
