Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Randomize
