I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
