sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
