it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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