But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
