My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
