When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
