I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
