so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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