At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have demons in me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
