I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
