Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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