Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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