I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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