dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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