i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
